Monday, February 4, 2008

Focusing on A New Reality

^^ That seems to be my new motto lately...

Wow... I haven't wrote in a while...I promised myself that I would keep up on my posts...but I've been a little lazy. I kinda forgot how enriching it is to just write and let all of my feelings out. But w/e...I guess that's the way things can be sometimes. Anyway, the past few weeks have been pretty eventful. I decided that certain changes needed to be made...and with those changes, I've never felt better. I've been worried for so long that I couldn't make these changes...and I guess I was anticipating to be hurt and be in so much pain emotionally that... I didn't want to let go. However, I knew that I had to. And it hurt... I've never realized how lonely it can be, not speaking to someone right before you lay your head down to go to sleep. But I know as time progresses, I should be ok. I'm focusing on me right now...I've been working out a lot more than I normally do, becoming more involved in the school, and I'm even going to Colorado State for a "cultural excursion"...which should be fun...I'm pretty excited.

So about this focusing on me thing... I never realized how much I lost myself throughout my past relationship...I became someone who I never thought I was capable of being...weak...passive...inconsistent with being truthful with myself...and as time went on, I knew that I would eventually lose myself because I was so afraid of losing another person. can you truly love someone and be committed to another human being when you can't even love yourself to your can't committ to doing things just for the sake of doing them for YOU? can''s impossible.

Unfortunately, I've also come to the realization that somethings just aren't meant to be. I've been a witness to so many of relationships where someone has just fought and fought and fought...and for what? We're so young...what are we fighting for? Let's just live life...seriously.

And another thing... getting back to my new motto^^^ My new reality is simply me...I'm 18 years old...beautiful (i think lol) headed for a life full of success...while I don't know what life has in store for me, I do know that whatever it is it'll be wonderful.

My new reality is simply not worrying what other people think of me. Not focusing so much on the opposite sex. I have time...I mean, when I'm 42 and all alone...then I'll complain lol

My new reality is being content with being single. Being content with going out and having fun. My new reality is looking in the mirror before I leave admiring myself...and not so focused on looking good for "him" (whoever "him" is)

My new reality is being a better big sister to my brother...and a better daughter.

My new reality is going to church more often...which sadly, wasn't a priority really 1st semester. But it's amazing how church can change everything.

My new reality is setting higher standards and higher goals for myself. Not undermining who I am and what I am. Aiming only for the stars.

My new reality is finally... becoming...stronger.

1 comment:

Adrianne M said...

you ARE beautiful! I love this. I'm proud of you....we're in this together. You know it. Can't wait to see you again...