So, I haven't wrote in a long time. I know. Nothing drastic has occured since the last time I wrote...so... here are just some random things that I felt like expressing.
** The good news: I took another shift at my job! Yay! More hours but more money! Sometimes the time goes by pretty slowly, but it's ok! I really enjoy my work, but sometimes I wish I could be busier.
** Being home hasn't really been too bad after all. I'm finally getting my license next week. Pretty excited. :-)
**I came up with a budget while having some downtime at work....and I'm sensing...I might need a raise. lol
** I hope I can do a lot of partying this summer. A lot of mingling. A lot of just going out on whims. A lot of hanging out with my girls. A lot of going out. A lot of getting to know different guys, and not get attached to them, since I have to leave. Just a lot of enjoying life and the summer.
And of course, with the good news...comes the bad.
* I wondered how I would feel when the day would come when I would realize that my ex was with someone. For so long he made it seemed like he was soo stuck on me, even though I wasn't on him. So I became used to that attention. Even though I'm talking to that Greek I talked about the last time (his nickname will be the 4th, since he's the 4th child) it kinda made my stomach feel weird when I saw those pics. Oh well...that's what I get for being nosey.
**The 4th has clearly stated that he wants to be with me, but that he's scared of falling for me. I don't know if this is an excuse or what. I hate not knowing things at all. I wish I could read his mind. He tells me that he's being real with me, and all of that...so...I guess I have to go on with that, right?
**I have a problem with growing attached too quickly. So, in order to change that I MUST go out with other guys this summer. That way, even if the 4th does hurt me, I can go on without a problem.
**Why am I anticipating hurt?
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Catch Up Time!
Ok... So I know that I haven't been doing a good job of keeping up. Anyway, so I'm no longer ready to leave here. Actually I'm trying to do summer school...
A lot has transpired since last week. Me and Musichead are definitely no longer doing whatever it was that we were. He's a loser... like literally. I've come to the realization that he's going to always be inconsiderate and unaplogetic. He actually had the nerve to call me last night. I haven't recieved a phone call or a text for a minute now...he told me that he felt "guilty" that he hadn't picked up the phone, and that we needed to "hang out" before the year ended. I CLEARLY live across the courtyard from you...if you wanted to see me, you should've called me earlier. He's a bum...so...
Me and "Shoegame" are also off for good. I told him that last night, and he told me that he knew that he was acting like a jerk, and apologized. Then he told me that he was going to try to earn a higher GPA next semester...like strive for a 3.0. I asked him what his GPA was looking like now... he said "A 2.2"... Doing some quick math, I realized that he needs a 3.8 next semester to have a 3.0... yeah... good luck on that!
So... I became reacquainted with someone I met a while ago. This guy will be known as the... well, I'll think of a nickname later. He attends the school right next door to mine (literally... the only thing that separates our universities is a fence) and we met at a conference for Black Honors Programs last semester in Maryland. He's a really nice guy. He and friends had been up here to find some tickets for a big party we had on Friday (which was pretty darn fun...I'll get to that later). I didn't expect to talk to them as long as I did...but we had a pretty good conversation. Very interesting. He just became part of a frat (Greek orgs. are pretty big at HBCUs) and was telling me about how much things have changed for him, particularly involving the opposite sex. Anyway, as he listened to me talk, he called me "prototype" and said that i'm "last of the dying breed" because I really haven't done too much. So that night, as we chatted again on facebook (i kinda like that new chat thing) I told him to stop on by so we can talk again. That's probably the best thing I've done all week. He came by on Thursday and we talked allllllll night about everything under the sun. The chemistry was just through the roof. So since then we've been talking and just hanging out a lot. His last day was yesterday, but I think he's coming to see me tomorrow before I leave for good on Friday. It's kinda weird how things are going but w/e...maybe it'll turn out for the best.
As we were talking one night, he told me that he would've never tried to even get at me like that, in the form of a relationship or anything. He said that he felt like if I was to get with a guy like him that would be me "settling" for less... I really don't think so. I kinda imagine that if we were to continue this thing it would definitely be like a "Dwayne and Whitley" type thing from off of "A Different World"...hmm.
But this guy has MAJOR groupies. Like these girls are feins. Why are girls from his school already hitting me up trying to be my friend on facebook and stuff??? Yeah... a little weird.
The party on Friday was fun. I had an exam on Saturday at 11, but I think I did pretty good on it. People are so stupid. Why didn't some people show up on Saturday to take the exam?!?!? Wtf??? People are dumb.
In other news... I've learned so much this year. I'm really reflecting back on everything that I've gained. Independence, leadership... understanding that people really are different. I might have to do another post just talking about everything I've learned.
Oh yes... So I really do believe that Heat gets to black people... as in the changing of the weather. It's been pretty hot these last few days. Why were people SHOOTING outside of my window last night?!?!?!?!?! Some freakin BLOODS were fighting some of our football players WTF!?!?!?!?!!?!? And then today two girls get into a HUGE argument in the cafe. Yeah, it's time to go home. Or just get away.
But I really don't want to go home now. I do need to do this summer school thing so I won't stay at home and lose my mind with all the rules that I have to go by...
Anyway...this will probably be my last post while I'm in the state of SC. I'll be back later in NC.
Oh yeah...KANYE ON FRIDAY!! WOOT WOOT!!!! :-)
Monday, April 28, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Tag! I'm It!
I got tagged!
By...My love! Adrianne!
The Rules are as follows:
1. link the person who tagged you…
2. mention the rules in your blog…
3. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged
Here are my six things:
1. I have a really bad addiction to cereal, particularly anything with strawberries (like Special K with Red Berries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries). For the longest time, my mom actually "suspended" cereal from me and my brother from eating it at night, because we ate it THAT much. If I were on a deserted island, and was able to ask for a certain kind of food, it would be Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries and cold 2% milk.
2. I have began to love the artist M.I.A. She's pretty cool. Deep stuff she speaks of too, once you get past the beats of her songs.
3. I wholeheartedly believe that my future husband is on this campus of this institution. I know it sounds weird, but ever since I've been here, I've believed that. Now the question is...who??
4. While some may think of me as being slightly conservative, as in the way I look and dress, (not in my beliefs though), I believe that I'm perhaps the biggest risk taker out of all my friends. Bungie jumping anyone?? I plan to one day jump from a plane, free fall and jump into a wonderful ocean in the Bahamas, scuba dive, and all that great stuff :-)
5. However, while I am a big risk taker when it comes to certain activities... I'm deathly afraid of disappointment. I know that I have a lot of people who believe in me, and a lot of others who want to see me fail. I want to one day make sure that my Granny is soo proud of me, because I know I owe so much to her.
6. The best way to end a night? Mint tea with chamomille, lights out, warm bed...and watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah I know. Or... watching "Snapped". I really love that show. But I don't think I'm THAT big of a risk taker!!
I don't have any friends with the exception of Adrianne and Caroline...so... I have no one to tag. I guess the game ends... here. lol
By...My love! Adrianne!
The Rules are as follows:
1. link the person who tagged you…
2. mention the rules in your blog…
3. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged
Here are my six things:
1. I have a really bad addiction to cereal, particularly anything with strawberries (like Special K with Red Berries, Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries). For the longest time, my mom actually "suspended" cereal from me and my brother from eating it at night, because we ate it THAT much. If I were on a deserted island, and was able to ask for a certain kind of food, it would be Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries and cold 2% milk.
2. I have began to love the artist M.I.A. She's pretty cool. Deep stuff she speaks of too, once you get past the beats of her songs.
3. I wholeheartedly believe that my future husband is on this campus of this institution. I know it sounds weird, but ever since I've been here, I've believed that. Now the question is...who??
4. While some may think of me as being slightly conservative, as in the way I look and dress, (not in my beliefs though), I believe that I'm perhaps the biggest risk taker out of all my friends. Bungie jumping anyone?? I plan to one day jump from a plane, free fall and jump into a wonderful ocean in the Bahamas, scuba dive, and all that great stuff :-)
5. However, while I am a big risk taker when it comes to certain activities... I'm deathly afraid of disappointment. I know that I have a lot of people who believe in me, and a lot of others who want to see me fail. I want to one day make sure that my Granny is soo proud of me, because I know I owe so much to her.
6. The best way to end a night? Mint tea with chamomille, lights out, warm bed...and watching the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah I know. Or... watching "Snapped". I really love that show. But I don't think I'm THAT big of a risk taker!!
I don't have any friends with the exception of Adrianne and Caroline...so... I have no one to tag. I guess the game ends... here. lol
Illusion...
Things may not always be what they seem.
I apologized to myself last night for being so retarded. I also accepted his apology.
Life goes on.
Everything's so confusing right now. I'm officially really really happy that I'm going back home... the summer should be able to sort some things out.
I apologized to myself last night for being so retarded. I also accepted his apology.
Life goes on.
Everything's so confusing right now. I'm officially really really happy that I'm going back home... the summer should be able to sort some things out.
Monday, April 21, 2008
:-).... :-(
If there's one aspect in life I have so much trouble understanding...
Is the fact that you can continue to be so nice to someone, never treat them wrong, always give them the benefit of the doubt, and trust that they won't take you for granted...
But they bullshit you.
And do you so dirty. And wrong.
Why?
Is the fact that you can continue to be so nice to someone, never treat them wrong, always give them the benefit of the doubt, and trust that they won't take you for granted...
But they bullshit you.
And do you so dirty. And wrong.
Why?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
4/14
You guessed it.
Another disappointment. I have a feeling he got drunk. Seriously.
I don't have to deal with this.
And I'm not.
Shoegame...will be over here tonight.
Another disappointment. I have a feeling he got drunk. Seriously.
I don't have to deal with this.
And I'm not.
Shoegame...will be over here tonight.
3/14
Yeah... you guessed it.
I was supposed to be going out tonight with the "Musichead"... he tells me he can't take me, because he has "no gas"... that's the most bullshit I've heard in a long time.
3 disappointments... in 14 days.
I was talking to one of his friends today in the cafe. It was originally me and my friend but since she had a class at 1, she had to leave early. So me and him started talking. Having a pretty good, in-depth conversation. Then "Musichead" comes in, along with one of his friends. I guess he was somewhat surprised since he's never seen me talk to him, but w/e....anyway.
We all had a pretty interesting conversation. This friend of his that I was talking to, a lot of girls on campus are interested in him, very interested in him. He is fine as hell. But, no, I'm not interested.
Musichead told me that he's going to come to my room tonight. Well he says "I'll try to stop thru later on tonite"...
"Try"... sounds a lot like... "might".
I HATE might.
Try=might
Might=Bullshit
Do the math.
I swear, if TONIGHT=BULLSHIT, the math equation will look like this:
Chass+Shoegame=Blanket on the floor, hard breathing... sweat... yeah... do the math.
Tonight BETTER NOT= Bullshit
I was supposed to be going out tonight with the "Musichead"... he tells me he can't take me, because he has "no gas"... that's the most bullshit I've heard in a long time.
3 disappointments... in 14 days.
I was talking to one of his friends today in the cafe. It was originally me and my friend but since she had a class at 1, she had to leave early. So me and him started talking. Having a pretty good, in-depth conversation. Then "Musichead" comes in, along with one of his friends. I guess he was somewhat surprised since he's never seen me talk to him, but w/e....anyway.
We all had a pretty interesting conversation. This friend of his that I was talking to, a lot of girls on campus are interested in him, very interested in him. He is fine as hell. But, no, I'm not interested.
Musichead told me that he's going to come to my room tonight. Well he says "I'll try to stop thru later on tonite"...
"Try"... sounds a lot like... "might".
I HATE might.
Try=might
Might=Bullshit
Do the math.
I swear, if TONIGHT=BULLSHIT, the math equation will look like this:
Chass+Shoegame=Blanket on the floor, hard breathing... sweat... yeah... do the math.
Tonight BETTER NOT= Bullshit
Thursday, April 17, 2008
So yet again...
So last night ended up not being that bad...
Since "The Greek" has a love of music... I decided to change his name... It'll now be... hmmm... "Musichead"...yeah I know .
Things are very different with him... He's perhaps the most different out of any type of guy that I've ever met. And I guess this intrigues me so much. It's weird. I don't expect to hear from him everyday... not as often as I would like. I guess I'm so used to a guy texting me 24/7 or wanting to go out, or what have you. He tells me he wants to take things slow, and I'm trying so hard to understand that. But sometimes I have to wonder, "Am I the only one?"
I really hope I am.
I absolutely HATE disappointment. Growing up, I never really had to deal with it too much... well, at least when I was a little kid. My parents always made sure that whatever they told me would happen, did happen. And I guess I kept that notion as I got older. Because when someone tells me that they'll do something, I expect it. To the third degree.
Like tonight.
He told me last night while I was in his room that he would download some of his tracks on my blank CDs that I bought in the bookstore. This guy is sooo talented. I swear he is. Another part of the intrigue I guess. So I counted him on it. And now here it is... almost 1 am. I haven't heard from him all day. He lives outside of my apartment-dorm. So I see his light whenever I go out. Sometimes it's tempting to just go outside to see if he's in his room. Yeah stalker-ish...maybe?? I dunno... I think I'm just nosey as hell lol
Anyway... so here it is... almost 1 am.
He told me last nigth that we might be able to go out on Friday. Might. I hate that word. I feel that might is such bullshit. "I might be able to do this" "I might be in love with you." "I think I might want to break up"...yeah such bullshit. And I'm not too sure if whether or not I can rely on this "might". As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that the best person to go to advice to is my mom. I'm understanding that because she's at the position where I want to be one day... married... she'll have the best advice. I love my girls and everything, but we're all going through the same thing...and have absolutely no clue as to how to solve certain issues. Anyway... So I talked to my mom about it... and she told me that this is what "taking things slow"is all about...giving someone their space...their air. So I am. Btw, I hope you all aren't thinking that I'm like calling and texting this guy 24/7... oh no, not me. If I'm not texted first, I won't text. So...maybe that's my problem.
But I'm NOT chasing after some guy.
But I am free to just think about him, right?
Once again, I dunno... Times like this where it's late, I'm kinda lonely and the only thing keeping me company is "Tyra", I want to call the guy with the shoe game. I kinda miss him. I miss his attention most of all. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he just wanted was to get in my panties, but whatever. The attention was good. And nice. And sweet. And he still texts me throughout the day, which I really like.
Thinking of the guy with the shoe game, I wonder if that's what "Musichead" thinks of me... Like he knows I'll "always" be here... hmmm... I hope not.
So I read my love horoscope tonight... this is what it says,
Before you make an assumption about what's going on, make sure you have all the
details. Someone's behavior toward you may not be about you at all -- they may have
other things on their mind. Wait a few days before deciding how to react. By then, the
situation may have changed.
Yeah... hmm...
I'll update as to the events of this weekend...
Since "The Greek" has a love of music... I decided to change his name... It'll now be... hmmm... "Musichead"...yeah I know .
Things are very different with him... He's perhaps the most different out of any type of guy that I've ever met. And I guess this intrigues me so much. It's weird. I don't expect to hear from him everyday... not as often as I would like. I guess I'm so used to a guy texting me 24/7 or wanting to go out, or what have you. He tells me he wants to take things slow, and I'm trying so hard to understand that. But sometimes I have to wonder, "Am I the only one?"
I really hope I am.
I absolutely HATE disappointment. Growing up, I never really had to deal with it too much... well, at least when I was a little kid. My parents always made sure that whatever they told me would happen, did happen. And I guess I kept that notion as I got older. Because when someone tells me that they'll do something, I expect it. To the third degree.
Like tonight.
He told me last night while I was in his room that he would download some of his tracks on my blank CDs that I bought in the bookstore. This guy is sooo talented. I swear he is. Another part of the intrigue I guess. So I counted him on it. And now here it is... almost 1 am. I haven't heard from him all day. He lives outside of my apartment-dorm. So I see his light whenever I go out. Sometimes it's tempting to just go outside to see if he's in his room. Yeah stalker-ish...maybe?? I dunno... I think I'm just nosey as hell lol
Anyway... so here it is... almost 1 am.
He told me last nigth that we might be able to go out on Friday. Might. I hate that word. I feel that might is such bullshit. "I might be able to do this" "I might be in love with you." "I think I might want to break up"...yeah such bullshit. And I'm not too sure if whether or not I can rely on this "might". As I'm getting older, I'm realizing that the best person to go to advice to is my mom. I'm understanding that because she's at the position where I want to be one day... married... she'll have the best advice. I love my girls and everything, but we're all going through the same thing...and have absolutely no clue as to how to solve certain issues. Anyway... So I talked to my mom about it... and she told me that this is what "taking things slow"is all about...giving someone their space...their air. So I am. Btw, I hope you all aren't thinking that I'm like calling and texting this guy 24/7... oh no, not me. If I'm not texted first, I won't text. So...maybe that's my problem.
But I'm NOT chasing after some guy.
But I am free to just think about him, right?
Once again, I dunno... Times like this where it's late, I'm kinda lonely and the only thing keeping me company is "Tyra", I want to call the guy with the shoe game. I kinda miss him. I miss his attention most of all. Yeah, I'm pretty sure he just wanted was to get in my panties, but whatever. The attention was good. And nice. And sweet. And he still texts me throughout the day, which I really like.
Thinking of the guy with the shoe game, I wonder if that's what "Musichead" thinks of me... Like he knows I'll "always" be here... hmmm... I hope not.
So I read my love horoscope tonight... this is what it says,
Before you make an assumption about what's going on, make sure you have all the
details. Someone's behavior toward you may not be about you at all -- they may have
other things on their mind. Wait a few days before deciding how to react. By then, the
situation may have changed.
Yeah... hmm...
I'll update as to the events of this weekend...
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
What I hate THE most...
I absolutely hate disappointment...
To the highest degree.
So it seems that for the most part, I've been using this blog to vent, but whatever. lol. I just need to let out some frustrations.
So, remember the Greek I was talking about? The one that I really liked...yeah... So maybe I'm just being a little too...high expectational?? And maybe he's just a little...free spirited... I don't know....
Is there such a thing as being too clingy? (And NO he did not tell me that)
In other news... So, I haven't had sex since MLK Day... seriously. For the 18 years that I was a virgin, I never quite understood when my friends in high school would talk about being "sex deprived"...but now I understand. You know those hypothetical situations where its kinda like "If you were to have sex with this person and no one found out, would you do it?"... For a long time my answer was NO... but now...my answer is... maybe.
And no...it's not the Greek... it's the guy with the shoe game. I just want that feeling of want back. To have a way to let out my frustrations and stress about life... to love... the anatomy of a male. I always told myself that I would have to be in love again before I would take that next step, but w/e. I'm just not caring.
Tomorrow will be different though. Maybe.
To the highest degree.
So it seems that for the most part, I've been using this blog to vent, but whatever. lol. I just need to let out some frustrations.
So, remember the Greek I was talking about? The one that I really liked...yeah... So maybe I'm just being a little too...high expectational?? And maybe he's just a little...free spirited... I don't know....
Is there such a thing as being too clingy? (And NO he did not tell me that)
In other news... So, I haven't had sex since MLK Day... seriously. For the 18 years that I was a virgin, I never quite understood when my friends in high school would talk about being "sex deprived"...but now I understand. You know those hypothetical situations where its kinda like "If you were to have sex with this person and no one found out, would you do it?"... For a long time my answer was NO... but now...my answer is... maybe.
And no...it's not the Greek... it's the guy with the shoe game. I just want that feeling of want back. To have a way to let out my frustrations and stress about life... to love... the anatomy of a male. I always told myself that I would have to be in love again before I would take that next step, but w/e. I'm just not caring.
Tomorrow will be different though. Maybe.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Attention Span
So... Today was a pretty good and interesting day.
It was a little cold outside, slightly windy with rain...I didn't really like the fact that my hair got caught up in it, but w/e.
Anywho... so we had a rehearsal for our Awards and Honors Convocation... basically a place to showcase the "smarts" at our school... those who have a 3.0 and above.
Today was when I got completely turned off.
So remember when I was talking about the guy with the shoe game?? Yeah... definitely doesn't have EVEN a 3.0...major turn off.
I'm sorry, but honestly, I have high standards...and I'm working on getting them higher. If I'm doing the best I can do, busting my ASS to be the best I can be...you should as well.
Yeah, I may have a 4.0...but the least you can bring to the table is a... 3.0... come on now!
Which brings me to my next subject...while I can be the brighest in the classroom, I sure do have an attention span of a child when it comes to being interested in the opposite sex. Since I can remember, I can be truly interested in getting to know someone, like very interested... but the moment something better shows up... that interest goes out of the door.
Just like a child... it doesn't take long for them to become interested in something new, like let's say a toy...but the moment that a bigger, better toy comes along...doesn't take them long to lose interest either.
Just a thought.
:-)
It was a little cold outside, slightly windy with rain...I didn't really like the fact that my hair got caught up in it, but w/e.
Anywho... so we had a rehearsal for our Awards and Honors Convocation... basically a place to showcase the "smarts" at our school... those who have a 3.0 and above.
Today was when I got completely turned off.
So remember when I was talking about the guy with the shoe game?? Yeah... definitely doesn't have EVEN a 3.0...major turn off.
I'm sorry, but honestly, I have high standards...and I'm working on getting them higher. If I'm doing the best I can do, busting my ASS to be the best I can be...you should as well.
Yeah, I may have a 4.0...but the least you can bring to the table is a... 3.0... come on now!
Which brings me to my next subject...while I can be the brighest in the classroom, I sure do have an attention span of a child when it comes to being interested in the opposite sex. Since I can remember, I can be truly interested in getting to know someone, like very interested... but the moment something better shows up... that interest goes out of the door.
Just like a child... it doesn't take long for them to become interested in something new, like let's say a toy...but the moment that a bigger, better toy comes along...doesn't take them long to lose interest either.
Just a thought.
:-)
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Don't Call it a comeback...
Ok... So...
Yes, I am well aware of the fact that it has been a month since I last wrote.
Yes, I am well aware of the fact that there has been a tremendous amount of change that has occured...
And yes, I am well aware of the fact that I have been meaning to write...but I've gotten so caught up in other things that... I haven't had the chance to... so this blog will probably be a little longer than most.
Ok, so where do I begin???
Ah yes... I guess I'll start with spring break. WONDERFUL! It has probably been the best, chill-est, easiest, busiest, and most exciting spring break I have ever had. Don't get me wrong, Myrtle Beach '07 with the Girls Plus 1 (lol) was great, but wow... this spring break was wonderful. I went back home where I spent a day with my wonderful girls... I love those girls, I really do. I saw something on facebook that read "I didn't go to high school to meet my husband...I went to find my bridesmaids"...So true in my case. I had a good time with them, as usual... drinking with somewhat involved but whatever...If anything, I feel the safest drinking with them than with anybody else bc (1) They'll let drink and do whatever and (2) I don't have to worry about some "guy" trying to take me to that "level"..yeah...we may be from the suburbs of 919, but best believe...we'll be quick to "cut a nigga!!!" lol
I also lost my keys at home...but my mom found them JUST THIS WEEK. And called me at 5:45 AM to tell me...thanks mom...and thanks for paying the $10 to send them express. Yeah, I really do love you.
Anyway, back to spring break...so I went to colorado with my school for a "cultural excursion"...I absolutely loved it! It was sooo cold though...and no sweet tea...or grits. Oh well, I didn't realize how I take certain southern items for granted. But I loved it though... I got really close to my roommates... 3 girls who I didn't think were the biggest fans of me...and I wasn't the biggest fan of them either...until we went to Colorado. Now I'll love them forever! lol jk
So...after Spring Break...school begin back in session. I really do love school, so while I knew I was going to miss sleeping in until 11:45, I wasn't too sad to go back.
The week of the 17th was pretty great... it was "Alpha Week" + "Campaign Week" for positions on SGA. That was fun... that Friday I went to our "Alpha Ball" with like the best guy in the freakin universe (that I've met so far). Yeah, he definitely drove me around Columbia (which is almost an hour's drive) just so I could find a dress...didn't ask for any gas money... and didn't accept it when i gave it to him... was patient with me the entire time I searched for my dress and bought me my shoes when I forgot my bank card...yeah... I friggin love him to death. He was such a gentleman that entire night too...yeah...he's the greatest. Being in college, I've truly realized the power in having a wonderful male friend... the only problem is that it spells trouble for the rest of those guys out there...while the best guy ever will never measure up to my father, just know that for all of the future guys, it brings a problem because best believe, some comparisions will be made. ;-)
In other un-related news... it never ceases to amaze me how people can truly bring negative energy into your life when all you are exerting is positive energy... just a thought.
You know the saying "Seek and you shall find"...yeah, that doesn't work when it comes to guys...clearly. The past 2 months that I've been single I haven't searched for anyone... at all. It just blows my mind that people have been coming to me. The guy from ATL with the greatest shoe game and the cute face, who doesn't know how to cook... to the Greek who for some reason doesn't understand how cute he is and is always up for some good conversation...to the guy whose dad is really big in ATL but for some reason hasn't really managed to get my attention like that (bc he is just a friend). I remember those days back in high school where when I would go through a "drought" I would search...and either find nothing at all, or something next to nothing. But I think now, with just me gaining more confidence about being in love with ME, or me allowing myself to just live life as ME, other people have become attracted to that... Hopefully.
I really hope it isn't for some "good loving" before the school year ends...LOL
Btw, I won a position as Sophomore Class Senator! Yay! While there were 5 slots with ample amount of people running I got the most votes ( go me!)...yeah I know, I'm such a loser.
Anywho...my mother is coming down for the weekend. This week coming up is "Honors Week", with a plethora (I've always liked that word) of events the Honors Program is running. Should be a busy week. My mom's coming down for our official "Induction Ceremony" into the Honors Program, on Sat, and the Honors Pageant that my bestie is SC is in... should be fun. I always like it when my mom comes down...girl talk of course...but not too much, bc I can't have her up all in my business lol
That's it for me! I should be blogging a whole lot more now... I know this is a rather long post, but whatever! On to some more homework...yeah I know what time it is, and yes, I am aware that it is a Sat...but, w/e
Until next time!
C.H
Yes, I am well aware of the fact that it has been a month since I last wrote.
Yes, I am well aware of the fact that there has been a tremendous amount of change that has occured...
And yes, I am well aware of the fact that I have been meaning to write...but I've gotten so caught up in other things that... I haven't had the chance to... so this blog will probably be a little longer than most.
Ok, so where do I begin???
Ah yes... I guess I'll start with spring break. WONDERFUL! It has probably been the best, chill-est, easiest, busiest, and most exciting spring break I have ever had. Don't get me wrong, Myrtle Beach '07 with the Girls Plus 1 (lol) was great, but wow... this spring break was wonderful. I went back home where I spent a day with my wonderful girls... I love those girls, I really do. I saw something on facebook that read "I didn't go to high school to meet my husband...I went to find my bridesmaids"...So true in my case. I had a good time with them, as usual... drinking with somewhat involved but whatever...If anything, I feel the safest drinking with them than with anybody else bc (1) They'll let drink and do whatever and (2) I don't have to worry about some "guy" trying to take me to that "level"..yeah...we may be from the suburbs of 919, but best believe...we'll be quick to "cut a nigga!!!" lol
I also lost my keys at home...but my mom found them JUST THIS WEEK. And called me at 5:45 AM to tell me...thanks mom...and thanks for paying the $10 to send them express. Yeah, I really do love you.
Anyway, back to spring break...so I went to colorado with my school for a "cultural excursion"...I absolutely loved it! It was sooo cold though...and no sweet tea...or grits. Oh well, I didn't realize how I take certain southern items for granted. But I loved it though... I got really close to my roommates... 3 girls who I didn't think were the biggest fans of me...and I wasn't the biggest fan of them either...until we went to Colorado. Now I'll love them forever! lol jk
So...after Spring Break...school begin back in session. I really do love school, so while I knew I was going to miss sleeping in until 11:45, I wasn't too sad to go back.
The week of the 17th was pretty great... it was "Alpha Week" + "Campaign Week" for positions on SGA. That was fun... that Friday I went to our "Alpha Ball" with like the best guy in the freakin universe (that I've met so far). Yeah, he definitely drove me around Columbia (which is almost an hour's drive) just so I could find a dress...didn't ask for any gas money... and didn't accept it when i gave it to him... was patient with me the entire time I searched for my dress and bought me my shoes when I forgot my bank card...yeah... I friggin love him to death. He was such a gentleman that entire night too...yeah...he's the greatest. Being in college, I've truly realized the power in having a wonderful male friend... the only problem is that it spells trouble for the rest of those guys out there...while the best guy ever will never measure up to my father, just know that for all of the future guys, it brings a problem because best believe, some comparisions will be made. ;-)
In other un-related news... it never ceases to amaze me how people can truly bring negative energy into your life when all you are exerting is positive energy... just a thought.
You know the saying "Seek and you shall find"...yeah, that doesn't work when it comes to guys...clearly. The past 2 months that I've been single I haven't searched for anyone... at all. It just blows my mind that people have been coming to me. The guy from ATL with the greatest shoe game and the cute face, who doesn't know how to cook... to the Greek who for some reason doesn't understand how cute he is and is always up for some good conversation...to the guy whose dad is really big in ATL but for some reason hasn't really managed to get my attention like that (bc he is just a friend). I remember those days back in high school where when I would go through a "drought" I would search...and either find nothing at all, or something next to nothing. But I think now, with just me gaining more confidence about being in love with ME, or me allowing myself to just live life as ME, other people have become attracted to that... Hopefully.
I really hope it isn't for some "good loving" before the school year ends...LOL
Btw, I won a position as Sophomore Class Senator! Yay! While there were 5 slots with ample amount of people running I got the most votes ( go me!)...yeah I know, I'm such a loser.
Anywho...my mother is coming down for the weekend. This week coming up is "Honors Week", with a plethora (I've always liked that word) of events the Honors Program is running. Should be a busy week. My mom's coming down for our official "Induction Ceremony" into the Honors Program, on Sat, and the Honors Pageant that my bestie is SC is in... should be fun. I always like it when my mom comes down...girl talk of course...but not too much, bc I can't have her up all in my business lol
That's it for me! I should be blogging a whole lot more now... I know this is a rather long post, but whatever! On to some more homework...yeah I know what time it is, and yes, I am aware that it is a Sat...but, w/e
Until next time!
C.H
Monday, February 25, 2008
Smack!
"SMMMMMMACCCCK!"
Yeah that's the sound when the wonderful thing called "reality" hits you right in the face....
Happened TWICE today...
I've begun a new path of not being so much of an optimist anymore...hoping that "everything will be ok" and that "everything will turn out right"...
Yeah I'm starting to become more of a "realist"...
Look out... ;-)
Yeah that's the sound when the wonderful thing called "reality" hits you right in the face....
Happened TWICE today...
I've begun a new path of not being so much of an optimist anymore...hoping that "everything will be ok" and that "everything will turn out right"...
Yeah I'm starting to become more of a "realist"...
Look out... ;-)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Disappointment
So yet another disappointment...
I realized something last night... at like 1:45 am... I don't adapt well to change... AT ALL. Its unfortunate because I wish that I could be able to do it... I know that these next few months will definitely be a challenge. I never realized how hurt I've been by the previous-relationship-that-shall-remain-nameless until this morning. When yet another disappointment came knocking on my head. I have to become better with this change thing... oh well... another thing I have to work on I guess.
I guess the hardest thing for me is that I know that I have to grow as a person... but my clock is ticking...or maybe that's my problem. I'm running life like it's a sprint instead of chilling like its a jog...I don't know. I think I had this idea that after college, I would go to grad school, and while in grad school I would get married. Get a great job. Have gorgeous children. Have a wonderful husband, who is fine, loves me, and is a doctor...or a lawyer...or holds some occupation making a ton of money...lol
I was told today in a text sent by a great and wonderful person, "Adaptability to change is a skill set necessary to survive in today's ever changing and unforseen situations...obviously u do not, and very well may not EVER possess such a talent...being that all you seem to comprehend is drawn out textbook material as if the world always truly operates that way."
As much I like to admit when I'm right, and as much I hate to admit when I'm wrong... I must say... he...is correct.
This summer shall be interesting...
I realized something last night... at like 1:45 am... I don't adapt well to change... AT ALL. Its unfortunate because I wish that I could be able to do it... I know that these next few months will definitely be a challenge. I never realized how hurt I've been by the previous-relationship-that-shall-remain-nameless until this morning. When yet another disappointment came knocking on my head. I have to become better with this change thing... oh well... another thing I have to work on I guess.
I guess the hardest thing for me is that I know that I have to grow as a person... but my clock is ticking...or maybe that's my problem. I'm running life like it's a sprint instead of chilling like its a jog...I don't know. I think I had this idea that after college, I would go to grad school, and while in grad school I would get married. Get a great job. Have gorgeous children. Have a wonderful husband, who is fine, loves me, and is a doctor...or a lawyer...or holds some occupation making a ton of money...lol
I was told today in a text sent by a great and wonderful person, "Adaptability to change is a skill set necessary to survive in today's ever changing and unforseen situations...obviously u do not, and very well may not EVER possess such a talent...being that all you seem to comprehend is drawn out textbook material as if the world always truly operates that way."
As much I like to admit when I'm right, and as much I hate to admit when I'm wrong... I must say... he...is correct.
This summer shall be interesting...
Monday, February 18, 2008
Poetry
- So, tonight I decided to enter into the poetry concert at school...was a nice little event, and I did a poem I had previously read before (Succumb to Red) in high school. I realized how much I missed writing and reciting poetry. I know I haven't wrote any in a while because... I felt as if I didn't have anything to write about. But whatever. I just got a new topic about... 15 minutes ago...
I have issues with jealousy.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Rainy Nights
So...
Tonight is one of those rainy, stormy nights... I've always had a thing for storms at night, they usually help me sleep better...and they feel so good to listen to!
This past week/weekend was pretty fun... to say the least. Saturday night was probably the best night I've had here this semester...well at least during the weekend. After spending about 1 hr. at a "Trini" party, and the campus police ending that (lol) I went to hang out with a few friends...which soon turned into a spontaneous, "private" party...what...a...night.
I didn't go to bed until 5:21...at least that's the last time I saw before I realized I was sleep.
So to rewind things a little bit... Valentine's Day was ok for me... My little ones gave me some candy, and so did my girls. However, I did and said somethings that I realize only show the true state of my immaturity...I really do need to grow up. However, like any wrongdoings, I knew I needed to apologize...and I did...which led to a 3 1/2 hour conversation...and I finally got some things off of my chest which I needed to do. It felt relieving.
Sometimes I think things would be so much easier if people would stop, and think about how short life is. How much time can be wasted by not... hurrying up. Within these past few weeks, I definitely feel like I've "hurried up and waited"... and I'm definitely tired of it. I want results...now!...but... I know I have to wait.
Being single is ok too... I guess... I do kinda miss those late night chats... and having someone to cuddle with... but whatever... I'll be ok... :-)
Only time will tell with me though...I'm a Gemini...and known to have a pretty impatient personality...
Tonight is one of those rainy, stormy nights... I've always had a thing for storms at night, they usually help me sleep better...and they feel so good to listen to!
This past week/weekend was pretty fun... to say the least. Saturday night was probably the best night I've had here this semester...well at least during the weekend. After spending about 1 hr. at a "Trini" party, and the campus police ending that (lol) I went to hang out with a few friends...which soon turned into a spontaneous, "private" party...what...a...night.
I didn't go to bed until 5:21...at least that's the last time I saw before I realized I was sleep.
So to rewind things a little bit... Valentine's Day was ok for me... My little ones gave me some candy, and so did my girls. However, I did and said somethings that I realize only show the true state of my immaturity...I really do need to grow up. However, like any wrongdoings, I knew I needed to apologize...and I did...which led to a 3 1/2 hour conversation...and I finally got some things off of my chest which I needed to do. It felt relieving.
Sometimes I think things would be so much easier if people would stop, and think about how short life is. How much time can be wasted by not... hurrying up. Within these past few weeks, I definitely feel like I've "hurried up and waited"... and I'm definitely tired of it. I want results...now!...but... I know I have to wait.
Being single is ok too... I guess... I do kinda miss those late night chats... and having someone to cuddle with... but whatever... I'll be ok... :-)
Only time will tell with me though...I'm a Gemini...and known to have a pretty impatient personality...
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
:-(
So I realized that next week at this time will be Valentine's Day...
I know I'm supposed to be in this period of growth and be content with being by myself but...
I'm not all the way there yet and I think I'm going to be really...lonely.
That thought didn't hit me until today... :-(
I know I'm supposed to be in this period of growth and be content with being by myself but...
I'm not all the way there yet and I think I'm going to be really...lonely.
That thought didn't hit me until today... :-(
Monday, February 4, 2008
Focusing on A New Reality
^^ That seems to be my new motto lately...
Wow... I haven't wrote in a while...I promised myself that I would keep up on my posts...but I've been a little lazy. I kinda forgot how enriching it is to just write and let all of my feelings out. But w/e...I guess that's the way things can be sometimes. Anyway, the past few weeks have been pretty eventful. I decided that certain changes needed to be made...and with those changes, I've never felt better. I've been worried for so long that I couldn't make these changes...and I guess I was anticipating to be hurt and be in so much pain emotionally that... I didn't want to let go. However, I knew that I had to. And it hurt... I've never realized how lonely it can be, not speaking to someone right before you lay your head down to go to sleep. But I know as time progresses, I should be ok. I'm focusing on me right now...I've been working out a lot more than I normally do, becoming more involved in the school, and I'm even going to Colorado State for a "cultural excursion"...which should be fun...I'm pretty excited.
So about this focusing on me thing... I never realized how much I lost myself throughout my past relationship...I became someone who I never thought I was capable of being...weak...passive...inconsistent with being truthful with myself...and as time went on, I knew that I would eventually lose myself because I was so afraid of losing another person. But...how can you truly love someone and be committed to another human being when you can't even love yourself to your entirety...you can't committ to doing things just for the sake of doing them for YOU? Exactly...you can't...it's impossible.
Unfortunately, I've also come to the realization that somethings just aren't meant to be. I've been a witness to so many of relationships where someone has just fought and fought and fought...and for what? We're so young...what are we fighting for? Let's just live life...seriously.
And another thing... getting back to my new motto^^^ My new reality is simply me...I'm 18 years old...beautiful (i think lol)...smart...and headed for a life full of success...while I don't know what life has in store for me, I do know that whatever it is it'll be wonderful.
My new reality is simply not worrying what other people think of me. Not focusing so much on the opposite sex. I have time...I mean, when I'm 42 and all alone...then I'll complain lol
My new reality is being content with being single. Being content with going out and having fun. My new reality is looking in the mirror before I leave admiring myself...and not so focused on looking good for "him" (whoever "him" is)
My new reality is being a better big sister to my brother...and a better daughter.
My new reality is going to church more often...which sadly, wasn't a priority really 1st semester. But it's amazing how church can change everything.
My new reality is setting higher standards and higher goals for myself. Not undermining who I am and what I am. Aiming only for the stars.
My new reality is finally... becoming...stronger.
Wow... I haven't wrote in a while...I promised myself that I would keep up on my posts...but I've been a little lazy. I kinda forgot how enriching it is to just write and let all of my feelings out. But w/e...I guess that's the way things can be sometimes. Anyway, the past few weeks have been pretty eventful. I decided that certain changes needed to be made...and with those changes, I've never felt better. I've been worried for so long that I couldn't make these changes...and I guess I was anticipating to be hurt and be in so much pain emotionally that... I didn't want to let go. However, I knew that I had to. And it hurt... I've never realized how lonely it can be, not speaking to someone right before you lay your head down to go to sleep. But I know as time progresses, I should be ok. I'm focusing on me right now...I've been working out a lot more than I normally do, becoming more involved in the school, and I'm even going to Colorado State for a "cultural excursion"...which should be fun...I'm pretty excited.
So about this focusing on me thing... I never realized how much I lost myself throughout my past relationship...I became someone who I never thought I was capable of being...weak...passive...inconsistent with being truthful with myself...and as time went on, I knew that I would eventually lose myself because I was so afraid of losing another person. But...how can you truly love someone and be committed to another human being when you can't even love yourself to your entirety...you can't committ to doing things just for the sake of doing them for YOU? Exactly...you can't...it's impossible.
Unfortunately, I've also come to the realization that somethings just aren't meant to be. I've been a witness to so many of relationships where someone has just fought and fought and fought...and for what? We're so young...what are we fighting for? Let's just live life...seriously.
And another thing... getting back to my new motto^^^ My new reality is simply me...I'm 18 years old...beautiful (i think lol)...smart...and headed for a life full of success...while I don't know what life has in store for me, I do know that whatever it is it'll be wonderful.
My new reality is simply not worrying what other people think of me. Not focusing so much on the opposite sex. I have time...I mean, when I'm 42 and all alone...then I'll complain lol
My new reality is being content with being single. Being content with going out and having fun. My new reality is looking in the mirror before I leave admiring myself...and not so focused on looking good for "him" (whoever "him" is)
My new reality is being a better big sister to my brother...and a better daughter.
My new reality is going to church more often...which sadly, wasn't a priority really 1st semester. But it's amazing how church can change everything.
My new reality is setting higher standards and higher goals for myself. Not undermining who I am and what I am. Aiming only for the stars.
My new reality is finally... becoming...stronger.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Just feeling the need to catch up...
So...
I haven't said anything in a VERY LONG TIME... I didn't write about the wonderful Christmas I had...or being able to see my GIRLS who I love SO VERY MUCH!
But if I were to...it would take days...lol
So...school has started...ever since I was small, I've always loved the first day of school, which is in essence, what Jan. 16th was for me. It was a pretty good day... I decided to take 19 hrs. this semester, work off campus, and do a few other extracurriculars so we'll see...things will be busy, but I'm striving to have at least a 3.6 by the end of the year...I'll be pretty disappointed if my GPA drops that low...but w/e...I'll still be able to keep my scholarship, so I guess I'll be ok.
So with school starting up, another adventure in the "wonderful" state of S.C. has began... and with the thought of this "adventure", I'm scared....of what could possibly be. As much as I know that life is about taking risks, and taking chances, sometimes its much easier to let things stay the same. That's why I understand how people can spend their whole lives living in the same place...the thought of change scares a lot of people.
...I have a feeling this will be a weekend of change for me....this should be interesting.
I haven't said anything in a VERY LONG TIME... I didn't write about the wonderful Christmas I had...or being able to see my GIRLS who I love SO VERY MUCH!
But if I were to...it would take days...lol
So...school has started...ever since I was small, I've always loved the first day of school, which is in essence, what Jan. 16th was for me. It was a pretty good day... I decided to take 19 hrs. this semester, work off campus, and do a few other extracurriculars so we'll see...things will be busy, but I'm striving to have at least a 3.6 by the end of the year...I'll be pretty disappointed if my GPA drops that low...but w/e...I'll still be able to keep my scholarship, so I guess I'll be ok.
So with school starting up, another adventure in the "wonderful" state of S.C. has began... and with the thought of this "adventure", I'm scared....of what could possibly be. As much as I know that life is about taking risks, and taking chances, sometimes its much easier to let things stay the same. That's why I understand how people can spend their whole lives living in the same place...the thought of change scares a lot of people.
...I have a feeling this will be a weekend of change for me....this should be interesting.
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